I haven’t written a poem, because I have some kind of poetry block. And I haven’t written any fiction, because right now whatever I write will be filled with melancholy crap.
I haven’t posted in over a week, and there is a reason.
I am filled with a truckload of cliché.
I am not joking. For the last two weeks, the only song in my messed up mind is “I am leaving on a jet plane” and the only thing I do is stare at my wall full of books instead of packing. By now you’ve understood that I am, of course, leaving (just not on a jet plane). College starts in a while.
College. For the last one year the only thing I have thought about is this. Starting anew. But I never really realised how much I would miss this place. Yes this place, this campus, my home for eighteen years.
And in the last two days I have been trying to pack eighteen years into three bags and one purse. How is one supposed to do that?
I know, I know, I should be thinking more about how I am leaving my family and friends…but I am not exactly leaving them. I really am not. Many of my friends are going to study in places very near to mine. And my parents are going to be three hours away and I am going to keep visiting them and they are going to keep visiting me (since I am staying in our own house). And there is something called a phone and e-mail. And I am not going a thousand miles away from home (I keep reminding myself that).
I am however, not going to be able to wake up to a room full of books anymore. I am not going to study on the desk which has numerous crayon markings on the underside from when I was ten years old. I am not going to be able to wake up and get my cycle out and roam around the campus. And I know it’s all silly, and “oh it’ll all go away”…but honestly, it just won’t.
Now I have carefully packed my Mont Blanc fountain pen and my musical box which plays ‘Edelweiss’ and the two beautiful cards my closest friends gave me today. And also about fifteen books to take with me out of the five hundred (and much more) that cover my walls.
And I don’t know what else to think anymore.