Blank Pages

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 28; the 28th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is ‘BLANK PAGES’.

There is a fog around me. Cigarette smoke, my hazy vision mixed with the million threads of my imagination. I am not sure there is much light. There is a constant din in my ears, I can’t drown it out. However much I shout, however much I scream, it has become part of my insane mind.

The drugs have taken over my mind and amplified each and every emotion thousand-fold. This is what I wanted. The heart has won over the brain. It is wants and desires; it is me and only me at last.

I am volatile. I am a figment of some morbid imagination.

Because, after all, this has to be a nightmare, just a nightmare, right? Your mother committing suicide, your father abusing you and your sister, your father killing your sister, your own unreal wrath, your own darkness overpowering you, killing your father with your bare hands – this does not happen to a boy of nineteen years does it? This cannot have happened to me…things cannot have fallen so far apart.

I retch. That’s blood. I see blood. I don’t care anymore.

I look up to the brightly coloured walls and the photographs. But mostly I see sheets and sheets of paper, scribbled on with my writing, my inked thoughts.  I stumble towards them and tear them down. I can’t bear them; written proof of this damned life that still exists. Why does it still exist?

All I need is someone saying, “This, too, shall pass” and for it to be true. All I need is to nebulise this monster that I have become and start from a foetus. All I need are blank pages.

But where shall I find them?

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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34 thoughts on “Blank Pages

  1. You nicely managed to create dark imagery albeit for a short while. Sometimes even normal folks wish they could erase everything and start all over again with blank pages,

    • Yes when I was writing the ending, I thought whether I should do one with a little more hope in it…but then again it didn’t serve a purpose…so I let it be.
      Thanks Kirti. :) Thank you so much

  2. Very dark and ….. well gory, thats what I feel, its very dark out here in the world but I think if we cannot tear the pages of darkness, all we can do is to somehow get a new sheaf of paper, and start writing a new one!!!!!! good one with loads of suspense!!!!!!

  3. i must say i really did appreciate this idea of describing “Blank Sheets”. kudos for that. however, it seemed that you were trying real hard to make it graphic which is, somehow(imho), taking the intensity away.

    i might be wrong, but these lines like, “I am volatile. I am a figment of some morbid imagination.” make me believe that you were somehow thinking of writing it as a poetry .. for this i’ll suggest you to consider writing it up again more concisely.. as a poetry maybe.. _with_ the dark enigma and _without_ the descriptive graphics.

    sorry for being not-so-appreciative. i only expect the very best from you. :) cheerio

    P.S: best of luck for the blog-a-ton .. :) i’ll wish your “goldBaton” :)

    • Firstly, don’t be sorry! I like good feedback.
      No I didn’t mean this to be a poem. The lines are written like that because the ‘I’ here is drugged and this is his mind – fogged and entangled and haphazard. About the graphic nature, yes I did want to because his senses are amplified. He is seeing colours and he is seeing what he doesn’t want to see.
      Thanks a lot :)

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