The Constant Watchmen

“Too much colour”, I murmur, “Too much colour”.The canvas has too much paint on it. Every colour on my palette has found a place on the canvas, mixing with each other, every shape joining with another. Everything connects, doesn’t it!

What did Jami Attenberg say? “I could write a long list of things about myself that could probably be fixed. But even if I fixed them all, another list would probably crop up in no time at all. And where would it end? How would I know when it was all fixed?” Well, I don’t know whether I even want to fix anything, whether I can be bothered.

What was I thinking? Skulls, why did I paint skulls? And stars too? And something looks like a big butterfly.

Skulls and stars. Maybe it says something about my life – skulls and stars.

The T.V. is still blaring, I can’t bear silence tonight. Elizabethtown is on and Drew is shouting. I know the scene, I’ve watched the movie more times than I can count on my hands. It’s something that Clair says now –

So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.

That’s good enough to live by.

Skulls and stars. Yes, that is my life. And the stars are hard to see sometimes. But then again, stars are beautifully constant.

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10 thoughts on “The Constant Watchmen

  1. Life is like that Antara.
    Those who fail and then succeed are remembered much more and they are probably much more successful in life in the long run.
    It is very important to fail in life to succeed!!

  2. We all have this intense regret that boils us from within and makes us wish we could fix things from the past. but if everything was fixed, maybe the perfect life would irk us more.
    ok, i am not making any sense and spamming your beautiful post yaar.
    and truly, so what if we failed, we need to stick around, prove that failure cant shake our grounds. i hope i can be strong enough for that.
    and yes… stars are beautifully constant… beautifully constant.
    i loved this one yaar. truly loved it…

    • I definitely have a certain thing I wish I had done (you know what I am talking about). But the thing is, I did try…and I couldn’t make it. And I like to think I haven’t YET made it. Maybe it’ll take a year, or a few years. So I guess it is still not a full regret…
      (You never spam any of my posts so shut up :P)
      And you can be strong enough…you are talented and grounded. You’ll do good. :)

  3. Holy moly Ria good stuff. Makes you sit up and listen :)

    Y”ou wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.” \m/

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